Its all on the table now

When governments acknowledge the climate crisis with laws to effectively mitigate it, coal, oil, and gas companies will IMMEDIATELY deflate; the impending economic crisis of the "carbon bubble makes the housing bubble look small by comparison". Hence:  rampant misinformation which functions to keep the masses lulled in denial. 

Climate is real.  Economies are pretend.  Sell your coal, oil, and gas stocks now in order to rescue your children's dying planet.

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/global-warmings-terrifying-new-math-20120719

Re: "what i believe" (re: attachment parenting)

A friend of mine posted this "what i believe" blog entry from www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com to facebook this week, saying that it is a pretty accurate expression of her own parenting beliefs.

http://www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com/2012/07/what-i-believe.html

I have copied the blog text here and written my response in green beneath each item:

These beliefs are mine and mine alone. I do not speak for any of the Admins on my page or in my private group. They are my beliefs, Abby, The Badass Breastfeeder. You won’t all agree with me and that is OK. I hope you stay. I am not doing this to alienate people. I am stating these beliefs clearly so you will know exactly what I stand for, what I advocate for and what you can learn here. These beliefs are mine (Dana's) and mine alone.  I do not speak for anyone else here.  You will not all agree with me and that is ok.  I welcome your truth and would never wish to alienate people.  I am stating these beliefs clearly so that you can better understand me.

I believe all babies were born to breastfeed on demand. I believe that all babies have the right to human breast milk (whether it be their mother’s milk or donor milk). I believe donor milk needs to be more readily available to women. I believe that the vast majority of women that do not breastfeed are victims of a lack of support, misinformation about our bodies and formula and a culture that does not value us. I believe that many of us fail to breastfeed or meet our breastfeeding goals because we have been taught that we are not good enough. 

I believe all babies are born with a natural program to breastfeed on demand.  I believe it is the birthright of all mammals to receive breastmilk (donated, nursemaided, or mother's milk).  I believe that almost all women who do not breastfeed are victims of a lack of support, misinformation about the nature of our bodies and formula and a mainstream culture which does not value us.  I believe that many of us fail to breastfeed or meet our breastfeeding visions because we have been taught that we are not good enough, and we quickly surrender to ideas that we 'couldn't make enough milk", etc. 

I believe formula companies are evil (formula companies, not formula feeding mothers). I believe that formula companies lie about their products, put children at risk of illness or death and do it to make a profit. I believe that formula companies play a major role in the extremely low breastfeeding rates in America. I believe that the effects on humans of formula use by generation after generation will be devastating. I believe formula use is an uncontrolled experiment being done on our children.  

I believe that formula companies do tell lies about their products, sometimes putting children at risk of illness or death and do it to make a profit. I believe that formula companies play a major role in the extremely low breastfeeding rates in America.

I believe that children have the right to decide for themselves when to stop breastfeeding.

I believe that once a child is able to eat foods, they are able to nurse less or wean.  Weaning is a process which is different for each mother and child relationship;  in some cases, it is most natural and nourishing for both the mother and child to continue nursing until the child wishes to stop.  At the same time, there are also entirely healthful, yet different, relationship situations and dynamics which support other weaning patterns, or mother-led weaning.  This latter process is no less natural than child-led weaning.  In fact, in nature, it would seem to be the more prevalent course of weaning.   After raising up four babies of my own and studying hundreds of other mother/toddler breastfeeding relationships, I have tended to find that child-led weaning is actually less inclined to instill in a child a grounded  sense of belonging and safety than the loving-strong-mother-led variations of weaning.

I believe corporal punishment (including spanking, swatting and popping) is emotional and physical abuse.

I believe corporal punishment (including spanking, swatting and popping) is often correlated and sometimes confused with emotional and physical abuse. 

I believe the Cry It Out method is emotional and physical abuse.
I believe the Cry it Out method is traumatizing and unnatural for young babies.  After around the age of six months, a loving and caring parent may gradually begin to experiment with allowing his/her child to "cry it out" if the parent occasionally intuits that the child is simply over-tired or over-stimulated.  Learning to discharge unpleasant emotions is a skill which will support these babies and toddlers in being happier and better adjusted to community life.    

I believe routine infant circumcision is wrong and violates the rights of babies. I believe our culture has fallen victim to a vast amount of misinformation about the medical benefits of this act.

I believe routine infant circumcision is routine genital mutilization. I believe our culture has fallen victim to a vast amount of misinformation about the medical benefits of this act.  And that many men grow to resent that their parents allowed another person to mutilate their son's genitals when he was vulnerable and unable to protest. 

I believe strollers, pacifiers and cribs were designed to create distance between us and our babies. I believe their use affects the long-term emotional well-being of our children.

I believe that strollers, pacifiers and cribs, when used without care, can contribute to further emotional distancing between parents and babies.  When used with conscious care to our children's best interest, these tools can sometimes be nourishing of the child and/or parents wellbeing. 

I believe babies were born to be held.

I believe babies were born to be held.

I believe babies were born to sleep with their mothers.

I believe babies were born to sleep with their mothers.

I believe sleep-training does not meet the needs of a baby. I believe that parents sleep-train babies for their own benefit. I believe sleep-training has created a generation of people who require prescription sleep medications.

I believe "sleep-training" is traumatizing for babies...and the younger, the moreso the trauma.

I believe that treating a baby, toddler and child like they are the center of the universe will grow selfless and empathic adults. I believe if all people were treated this way as children the world would truly change. I believe self-centered adults are the babies that did not get their needs met.

I believe that treating a newborn infant like they are the center of the universe through the entire first three months of their life is pretty crucial in doing our best by our children.   As the baby comes more into his human experience of thinking and communicating, though, this strategy of deliberate or unconscious child-centered parenting becomes harmful for children.  It is always important to love our children.  When people confuse loving and parenting our children with sheltering our children from natural consequences, imbalanced perspectives settle in.   Setting toddlers or children's rights and will above the rights or will of any other individuals in the community, including his parents', becomes unhealthy and unpleasant for all.  This unchecked boundary-less "permissive" parenting style is a reaction to its opposite unchecked parenting style:  fear-fueled, power-mongering, coersive "authoritarian" parenting. 

Young children do not yet have the skills or experience that they need to have in order to feel happy and confident as leaders in their family/ community.  When parents neglect to create and maintain boundaries for their children, the children are routinely unhappy, whining, throwing tantrums, and they become programed to unconscious selfishness, which never brings the fulfillment and sense of belonging that we all really desire for our children to experience. 

I believe when our own needs are not met as babies we in turn struggle to meet the needs of our own babies.
I believe that we are each doing the best that we can with the tools, experiences, and understandings that we have uniquely come by.  It is not for any person to judge that another should be making a different choice.  Often, the person who has experienced much trauma and hardship will have unique insights which inspire her to ever-more deliberate parenting.  Other times, a parent is never able to largely overcome the unconscious parenting he or she received as an infant/child, and they pass it on to their own children without much of any thought that they might could break the cycle and pass on a different kind of experience.  I do not entirely understand the causes of this spectrum of experience, and my parenting path is an active experiment in the cultivation of my own childrens' resilience, confidence, and inner-reflection.   .   

I believe the lack of research on the effects of vaccinations places our babies at risk. I believe the Center for Disease Control’s vaccination schedule is an uncontrolled experiment being done on our children.

I believe the lack of research on the effects of vaccinations places our babies at risk. I believe the Center for Disease Control’s vaccination schedule is an uncontrolled experiment being done on our children.  I do not appreciate the considerations of profit, fear, and dependence which propel the majority of pharmaceutical production. 

I believe it is impossible for a baby or toddler to self soothe.

I believe it is entirely possible, and important, for a baby or toddler to be given opportunities to discover their own ability to self soothe.

I believe it is impossible for a baby or toddler to be manipulative.

I believe it is impossible for a newborn infant to be manipulative.  As they grow more into their human experience of thinking and communicating, though, manipulation is one of the first things they begin to learn.  This is not because they are bad.  Rather, it is because basic manipulation is one of the most primitive forms of communication and engagement-with-other.  They do not have any sophisticated understandings or language, but they are programmed to experiment with boundaries and power, always exploring the nature and edges of the container that their caregiver creates (or neglects to create) for them. 

I believe it is impossible to spoil a baby.

I believe it is impossible to spoil a newborn infant.  And that the parenting art of transitioning from newborn-parenting to toddler-parenting is not intuitive for many of us, especially those of us who's own needs were under-supported by our own parents as children. 

I believe parents trust doctors too much.

I believe most parents trust doctors beyond propriety, undermining their own superior understandings of their child's unique needs, experiences, etc.  I believe most doctors trust parents too little. 

I believe that all babies have the right to a natural birth. I believe babies born with medical intervention (pain medication, cesarean, etc.) are at risk for health problems.

I believe that babies are programmed with an expectation of a natural birth.  That when a baby and mother begin their lifetime relationship together from the point of a natural birth, they are starting with the most empowering experience that nature/god can provide.  Most medical interventions inhibit the pervasively effective nature of birth.  

I believe all women have the right to breastfeed wherever, whenever, however they want.

I believe in supporting the natural right of all women to breastfeed their children whereever, whenever, and however they feel will support the best-interest of their child as well as their self and their community. 

I believe all moms are capable of meeting all of their baby’s needs.

I believe almost all mothers are capable of meeting all of their baby's needs.

I believe we do our babies a disservice when we close ourselves off from new information.

I believe we do ourselves and our entire community a disservice when we close ourselves off from new information and ideas.

I believe we have lost touch with our instincts due to modern-day life, capitalism and misinformation. I believe we would meet all of our baby’s needs by following our instincts.

I believe we have lost touch with our natural inheritance of wisdom due to modern-day life, capitalism and misinformation.  I believe our ancestors knew better and more confidently than we do how to provide for the thriving of our babies and children. 

I believe all mothers love their children.

I believe all mothers love their children in the ways that they know how, and to the degree which they are able to love themselves. 

I believe no child is an inconvenience, bad or wrong.

I believe all children have natural gifts and are fundamentally love-emitting and love-seeking. 

I believe in attachment over structure, discipline and punishment.

I believe in the crucial relationships between attachment, structure, modeling, and discipline.  I observe much confusion among "AP" parents at the distinctions between unhealthy coercive, punitive "authoritarian" parenting and a healthy style that is loving, firm, consistent, and evolving:  "authoritative" parenting. 

I believe many conversations end in arguing due to our own unresolved feelings.

I believe many conversations end in arguing due to most peoples unconscious behavior of making value-judgments about others' behaviors and choices and perpetuated by each unconscious person's egoic "need to be right".

I want to remind you that these are my beliefs. I speak for no one and I do not ask you to agree with me. I only want to be clear. I believe you deserve clarity and honesty from me. This list is not exhaustive. I will continue to expand my beliefs. I look forward to a long journey of being open to new information and searching for answers.

ditto

Year In Review: 2011, mostly

A year ago today I was about 6 months pregnant and we were packing up the white schoolbus for our open-ended exploration of Northeast Missouri.  Since that time many things have happened.
Today we made a list of the major events of the year which I am going to post here to share.  Following this list, I will post a second list that lays out the completed tasks on our home renovation project (which began in April 2011).  Amazingly, these two lists occurred in the same span of time!  Yet, neither of these lists begins to account for the interpersonal reality of raising four children, the chores and care needs of our many animals, the challenge of procuring and preparing meals and even tending our own needs and hygiene!

This year was astounding for me.  There was a frame of abundant beauty that held all of these events and accomplishments so that, though looking at it all at once it might seem to be "too much", for me this year has been like a gift.  It has been the most incredibly vibrant year of my life and I am deeply honored to have had Gavain dancing it with me so gracefully.

The short version is that Gavain and I are super-heroes.  Here is a longer version: 

• Drive Texas-Missouri in schoolbus motorhome
• Stay in trailer park in Kirksville for one month without car (riding bicycles)
• David has random freakout and takes legal action to dominate Dana's parental rights
• Shop for homes in NEMO
• Purchase Edina house (close April)
• Dana to Oregon to scoop up Simon(and David) (gone 6 weeks (stayed extra month to accommodate David).
• Dana unwelcome at Reba/Kara’s community.  Tension.
• Dagny gets sick (whooping cough or otherwise)
• Dana served papers to cut off her parental rights
• Dana plays the politics assuring David that she will meet slander with slander in court battle
• David changes his mind and decides to become her lover again, turning on charms, retracts legal action.
• Gavain’s father discovers he has cancer and undergoes treatment
• Reassert ownership of van and revive van
• Dana and David establish written and signed Baseline Simon Co-parenting Agreement. 
• Drive Oregon-Missouri in blue van pulling trailer packed full
• 3 months of supporting David financially and otherwise
• Dana to hospital for getting baby-belly squished between trailer and van (gravity issue)
• Gavain spends 8 weeks without family initiating house renovation
• Ducklings/goslings arrive
• Grandma Terri visits Gavain (April 2-7)
• Gavain turns on water to house
• Run out of vegetable oil sources for fuel
• Dana dives into flurry of house renovation for final 6 weeks of her pregnancy
• Adopt 3 kittens from Larry
• Gavain gets hot water supply to house going
• Grandma Terri visits (June 16-July 2)
• Andrew, Andria, Yaya, Bodhi visit
• Egon and Nana Debby visit in May;  Egon decides to stay in Missouri
• David one-week Possibility Alliance visit (we keep Simon most of visit)
• Children fall in love with “Lucy” (aka “Missy”), stray dog washed up during storm
• David and Simon train trip to east coast and back (Amtrak debacle)
• David asks us to support him getting work done and neglects to respect others’ boundaries at crucial time
• Huge windstorm (rolls chicken house, blows down turbine, etc.)  
• Tillwyn is born at home
• Drought begins
• 25 chicks arrive with goslings
• Various natural deaths of various baby birds
• Freak accident slices open Gavain’s arm -lifeflight to Quincy (cut through artery, 4 tendons and half of nerve)- Emergency surgery- David tends three kids and animals
• Visit from Gavain’s father
• Larry teaches dressing river bass
• Second surgery (reconstructive) on arm with Dr. Philpot (and numerous trips to Quincy for doctor visits and therapy sessions)- David holds down the fort again
• Chicks/predator massacre
• Pick up drunk and desperate Jason (a new friend)
• Egon trip to New Jersey
• Many visitors (Terri (July 21-26), Anala and family, Sarah, Ted, Liat, Peter and wife, Brian and partner, Debby and John (with Cammy)
• David gets letter from “Heartaculture” ousting David from community government into “renter” status
• Dana and Gavain host own wedding at Edina house
• Dana and Gavain get married again (legally, at a church)
• Gavain and a loved one experience passion and tension
• Dana completes recovery from birth
• Gavain relearns how to use his arm as he heals
• Jason as housemate and projects co-manager for 3 months
• Make offer to Karlene for side lot (rejected)
• David begs us to keep Simon while he returns to Oregon, claiming that it would facilitate his rapid follow-through on shutting down his life in Oregon before his intended ASAP move to Missouri (but he refuses to commit to a specific timeline for this transition)
• Jason develops parasitic theft behavior to support his alcoholism
• Flies!
• Gavain begins demolition of neighboring greenhouse/materials glean
• Jason asks children to hide/lie to their parents
• Dana and Gavain have their process of trying to help Jason, reaching their limit, and asking him to leave
• Send Jason off to east coast
• Jason steals camera and netbook and neglects to repay debts
• Dagny and Egon start new school
• Simon begins head start
• Grandma Terri visits Oct 4-14
• Adopt 15 retired laying hens to be food
• Eden visit for 5 days
• Missy (the stray dog) discovers the fun of poultry torture
• Andrew/Andria/Yaya/Bodhi visit
• Egon stuff and pets delivered (3 Muscovies and more chickens)
• Halloween of Vampires
• Dagny continues to cough/chronic runny nose.  Take her off of dairy.
• Gavain slaughters many birds, a couple geese go to Possibilty Alliance.
• Family attends Harvest Festival at Possibility Alliance, meets neighbors
• Dagny spins out of connection culminating in her removal from kindergarten.
• Begin keeping fishtank and many fish deaths
• Ongoing tension with David’s abandonment of Simon and his own integrity
• Fail most of fall and winter to find a source of seasoned firewood (burn lots of wet green wood!)
• Gavain travels to Oregon to visit Kite, Mariner, and kaseja
• Host family Christmas in Edina (Debby and John visit)
• Missy is officially abandoned to us, we are unable(after many efforts) to rehome her, we take her to animal shelter
• Gavain surprise Christmas visit to Florida (stomach sickness attack again)
• Aurora the rat dies (illness), 3 new rats adopted, Astra the rat dies (cat),
• Predator picks off many birds one by one
• Dagny Bloom begins to go by alternate name “Poppy Vespertine”
• Dana delivers Poppy to Houston for her two-month stay (Gavain stays home with boys)
• Barter exchange trades goose trio for “bred” rabbit doe (not pregnant, it turned out)
• White tent blows across yard in windstorm, taking out new wind-turbine pole installation and destroying tent
• David "gets stuck" in Oregon, in defiance of the terms of the Baseline Simon-Coparenting Agreement.  Document rendered impotent and void.  
• Grandma Terri visits (Feb 1-9)
• Locate source of seasoned wood South of La Plata
  remove old furnace from basement
  new rain gutters installed
  outside of house scraped and primed
  clothesline installation
  inner fence installation
  outer fence installation
  compost bins set up
  quilt insulative curtains for bus
  paint bus
  put bus down into yard
  install solar panel
  install windturbine
  establish electrical system in bus
  dig trench
  build roof over back porch
  repair roof over laundry room
  install duck weathervane
  install cat door
  move in piano
  reinforce kitchen floor
  paint laundry room lavender
  greywater diversion install
  rainwater catchment install
  repair/replace rotten/broken boards (front porch)
  build garden beds
  construct kitchen pantry
  kitchen cabinet demo/re-install
  install mosaic tile countertop
  plumb bathroom
  plumb kitchen
  install water lines
  new wind turbine assemble/paint
  repaint kitchen oranges
  install front door threshold
  plant pear trees
  repair screen doors
  construct front gate
  install bird yard fencing and gate
  new electrical wiring of entire house
  remove plaster (two rooms?)
  lathe/insulation removed from three rooms
  drywall, tape, mud, finish mens room
  drywall, tape, mud, finish warm room
  insulate men’s room (cellulose)
  insulate warm room and women’s room (fiberglass)
  install six new double-pane windows
  paint men’s room tealish
  paint warm room butterish
  remove all trim from three rooms and label
  replace trim men’s room and warm room
  establish wood piling systems
  install large white outdoor tent
  build/obtain chicken/duck house
  construct winter goose shelter
  cart up and lay insulation in attic
  hoist up and install hotwater tank in attic
  solar hot water panel built
  install chimney for kitchen stove
  install tile hearth and walls for kitchen stove
  install tile hearth warm room
  hardibacker/tin wall warm room
  move in and install wood cook stove
  move in and install jotul wood heating stove
  install chimney liner, etc.
  re-point chimney
  furnish home
  create recycling system
  plumb two thermosyphon loops
  repaint play room (blue)
  paint bathroom (green)
  install attic lights
  install basement lights
  demolish drop ceiling in kitchen
  create pot rack
  strip bus of installations and furniture
  rebuild basement door
  strip lead paint/prime/paint/re-glass back door
  begin demolition of neighboring greenhouse/harvest lumber/supplies
  re-frame west wall men’s room
  paint and install large bookshelves in warm room
  construct 11 foot Christmas tree
  create rabbit home and gates for kitchen
  restore james washer
  tung oil finish kitchen cabinets
  install knobs kitchen cabinets
  Install kitchen sink, faucet, drains
  recast front walk paver
  install wide variety of outlet covers/hooks/shelves/racks/etc.
  take down inner fence
  construct goose nests/spring-ize duckhouse 
  

difficulty with new psychic relay

Birth of Tillwyn

Every new day seemed that it might be the day that baby would decide to arrive.  Every day I thought to myself "maybe there's something else I could be doing to help my body feel ready to have this baby!" and we speculated all the time that maybe she was waiting for the solstice or the full moon or a good thunderstorm or fathers day or to share a birthday with so-and-so.


Gramma Terri was visiting and working very hard every day to support me and our family's needs, hanging laundry, taking the kids on adventures, and even hauling gravel and mowing the lawn!  I felt great pressure internally to get the baby out before her two week visit was over so that she could *at least* hold her granddaughter before she would need to return home.


I'd visited a doctor a few times in the prior month or so and knew that I had been dilated to 4 centimeters as of 3 weeks prior to this day, June 29th.  I'd actually lost my mucous plug at 38 weeks.  I felt my body could hardly be any readier, and sometimes I almost worried that I might be going to birth the baby without going into labor at all--that she might just fall out when I was pooping one of these days;  I figured maybe that is why some women accidentally birth in the aisle of the grocery store...


All the same, I was staying active, lifting heavy things, running to chase a toddler, mowing the grass and I even did some jumping jacks trying to inspire my body to eject the little one.
And, I kept up a conscious effort to maintain my patience.  Two of my other three children had been approximately 42 weeks gestation at onset of labor and there was a good chance this one would join the club.


At 41 weeks and 5 days along, around 3 o'clock in the afternoon, I came to notice that my pre-birthy braxton hicks contractions seemed to be coming about every 5 minutes apart.  I sat in a chair and timed them for a half hour until it was time to pick up the kids from the summer school bus stop.  We'd waited a little too long and would be late walking so Gavain and I drove Terri's rental car there and as we stood waiting for the kids we talked (for the hundredth time) about how maybe today was the day.  The contractions stayed regular until, when we got back to the house, they shifted into something more.  I had a labor contraction, standing alone in the bathroom, staring at nothing, recognizing that the wait was over.  Then I went pee and wiped, finding blood.  


I walked into the bedroom where Gramma Terri was cooling off by the window AC and told her that it seemed that I was beginning labor.  She gave me a very supportive and encouraging hug, apologizing profusely for her onion breath (which I couldn't smell!) and said she was ready... it was just for me to get the two youngest kids packed up, and she would sweep them away to the hotel.  I then set to work slowly packing the kids up while my crampy contractions distracted me...I felt the fog of labor creeping in and it was difficult to remember what I'd packed and what I hadn't and where to find the things I wanted to pack.  The house was abustle with children and conversations and who-knows-what-else.  I felt a jumble of calm excitement, irritation (at the kids' clatter and chatter), and appreciation that I really wouldn't have to have little ones at this birth (as I did my last birthing).  My brain was trying to plan what to do with the last of my time that would be, perhaps, quite short, before baby was with us.


Terri left with the kids, and the manly birth team was set:  Gavain(my fiance(now husband) and father of this baby), David(father of my toddler), and Egon(my 9 yr old son).
I went down to the basement to sort recycling and Egon came down with me;  I showed him how to do this himself, because I'd been meaning to do that for some time.  We probably talked about that I was in early labor.  Gavain came through the basement working on a project and asked for my help with it at one point.  I don't even remember what the project was because of the labor-mental-fog, but 


I told him that Terri had taken the kids and that I was thinking this was it.  He smiled supportively and probably asked if there was something I wanted him to do for me.  I think that's what happened but I might be making that up!   (this was less than a week ago, mind you).  Gavain knew that my birthplan was basically:  get the little kids out of the space, labor on my own unless I ask for something, and let Gavain know when baby is coming.
When I came back up into the house I asked David to help me time my contractions (hey, its something to do!)...I would call out "time!" and he would tell me how long it had been since the prior contraction.  At around four minutes apart I got too involved in my own process to remember to call out to David.  I gather that he continued to time then anyway, by listening to my vocalizations (I guess!).


Egon, my nine-year old was in and out of my space, which was mostly the bedroom (a sleeping-room currently shared by two adults and three children).  He made me laugh a lot (he is *very* funny!) in between many contractions.  He was helpful to me and others during the birth, running here and there on short errands.  At some point, he (and David?) gathered flowers outside and placed them in vases around the house;  it was a splendid contribution to my sense that I was being supported.
In another moment, I realized that I felt stinky and took a quick showerbath.


Things seemed to me to stay about the same for the first couple of hours (total guess on that time estimate).  Then, I felt that I probably wasn't progressing as quickly as in my two prior births because I was hanging out with my charming but *pesky* kid!  And!  It was sunny outside!  It was very strange to me to be laboring with broad daylight streaming in the windows.  For that matter, I wanted to go outside and be with the birds (our ducks and geese) for a while, but didn't want to alarm any passers-by if I suddenly found myself in transition in the yard.


Well, and I was naked and having trouble deciding what to wear!  It didn't make sense to my inner-creature to put on clothes, but I did end up throwing on a little shirt/dress for a quick dash into our front yard.


We had had a large bluejay nest on an altar-like surface in the living room.  It was falling apart so I tossed it out and decided to replace it with the beautiful little abandoned robin's nest from the short tree in our front yard.  Robins were a reoccurring theme in this pregnancy.  And the nestbuilding and awaiting nest has been a theme in our anticipation of the birth as well as in my engagement with Gavain.  I tossed into the nest a sprinkling of rounded blueish rocks that the children had collected down in the "crick" (I'd been cleaning and didn't have another place for them);  they symbolized the members of our family to me and they looked perfectly graceful there.  During the labor, Egon made a large gods-eye for the baby with green and ivory wool yarn and two sticks that he found in the yard and glued together in an x.  This also joined the altar.  And I remembered kaseja!  We'd planned to burn a candle from kaseja, representing her being with us at the birth.  Gavain jogged out to the bus to fetch it, brought it in, and got it lit up by the side of the bed I'd made up for the labor.  Now then!  We were ready for this!


I also posted online in a couple places an announcement that I was in labor.  


I spent most of the rest of the labor that I remember in the bedroom folding laundry and filling up the new linen closet with more and more linens.  Later I set to re-making the other two beds in the room.  I visited the toilet now and then to finish clearing out my poops.  There, I would stop doing and just be for a moment. The very act of sitting on the toilet is a very efficient way to help labor progress, I find.


Gavain passed through a few times asking how he could help and running off again for this or that.  At one point he asked if I'd mind if he used a power tool to cut a hole in the wall for a cat door and I gave my approval.  I greatly enjoy his enthusiasm for this type of project and it was pleasant to me to know that he was following his bliss.  The sound did not bother me in the least because I was deeply in my own experience now.

The menfolk got together my birthing music (Bjork's album, "Vespertine")...it was something I requested well into labor; they somehow acquired the music online.  (This album is awesome for birthing...nothing else that I've found stands up to it!)  

I don't remember much from here.  Gavain has compiled a video, from multiple clips taken by David, which does a better job of conveying the last 45 minutes of the labor than my memory does!        

*          *          *

Gavain joined me in the final phase of my labor and we welcomed Tillwyn together.  To those people who describe the pushing phase of labor being "easy" compared with transition:  This is not always the case!  I mean...I guess I mean that big babies really do feel more uncomfortable to birth than do average sized ones.  That is the extent of my experiencial knowledge of the matter.  At least, until her head was out, I was experiencing sensations that the wimpy parts of me would have had me run away from!  She was somewhere at or above 10 lbs at birth, 21inches long.  Born at 8:05 pm June 29th in Edina, Missouri!

Now, after she was born, you will see (if you view the video), I make a bunch of strange girlish sighing sounds.  I am embarrassed about this, and the best thing that I can think of to say about it right now is that its much better than after Simon's birth!  

She was so *mad* about being born.  She cried so much and so loudly after her birth.  I thought I was surely in for having a firecracker of a daughter!  Her umbilical leash was so short that I was unable to hold her, let alone nurse her, after her birth.  We were all somewhat paralyzed, unable to move or rearrange ourselves, until her cord stopped pulsing and could be cut.    

Surprisingly, she has, since her birth, been the most sweet, cooperative, and quiet baby that anyone would ever hope to know!  That's coming from a woman that has previously had 3 very "good" babies, I promise. 

She is associated with daylight.  She will not stay awake at nighttime;  though she kind of wakes up approximately once at night to nurse (we co-sleep), she otherwise sleeps until the next day.   

Her name is Tillwyn Calliope U'Prichard McGuire!  Tillwyn means "Friend of the Tiller" or "Captain's Right Hand" or "First Mate";  It is a name that Gavain and I derived from the name "Matilda" (meaning powerful battler).  Calliope is a rockin steam-powered organ-like instrument, but it is also the name of the greek goddess of epic poetry and eloquence, and it means "beautiful voice".  U'Prichard is her paternal name (passed down the paternal line); McGuire is her maternal name (passed down the maternal line).      

Hallelujah for life and for breath and for grace and for Tillwyn!