A friend of mine posted this "what i believe" blog entry from www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com to facebook this week, saying that it is a pretty accurate expression of her own parenting beliefs.
http://www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com/2012/07/what-i-believe.html
I have copied the blog text here and written
my response in green beneath each item:
These beliefs are mine and mine alone. I do not speak for any of the
Admins on my page or in my private group. They are my beliefs, Abby, The
Badass Breastfeeder. You won’t all agree with me and that is OK. I hope
you stay. I am not doing this to alienate people. I am stating these
beliefs clearly so you will know exactly what I stand for, what I
advocate for and what you can learn here.
These
beliefs are mine (Dana's) and mine alone. I do not speak for anyone else here.
You will not all agree with me and that is ok. I welcome your truth
and would never wish to alienate people. I am stating these beliefs
clearly so that you can better understand me.
I believe all babies were born to breastfeed on demand. I believe that
all babies have the right to human breast milk (whether it be their
mother’s milk or donor milk). I believe donor milk needs to be more
readily available to women. I believe that the vast majority of women
that do not breastfeed are victims of a lack of support, misinformation
about our bodies and formula and a culture that does not value us. I
believe that many of us fail to breastfeed or meet our breastfeeding
goals because we have been taught that we are not good enough.
I
believe all babies are born with a natural program to breastfeed on
demand. I believe it is the birthright of all mammals to receive
breastmilk (donated, nursemaided, or mother's milk). I believe that
almost all women who do not breastfeed are victims of a lack of support,
misinformation about the nature of our bodies and formula and a
mainstream culture which does not value us. I believe that many of us
fail to breastfeed or meet our breastfeeding visions because we have
been taught that we are not good enough, and we quickly surrender to
ideas that we 'couldn't make enough milk", etc.
I believe formula companies are evil (formula companies, not formula
feeding mothers). I believe that formula companies lie about their
products, put children at risk of illness or death and do it to make a
profit. I believe that formula companies play a major role in the
extremely low breastfeeding rates in America. I believe that the effects
on humans of formula use by generation after generation will be
devastating. I believe formula use is an uncontrolled experiment being
done on our children.
I believe that formula companies do tell lies about their
products, sometimes putting children at risk of illness or death and do it to make a
profit. I believe that formula companies play a major role in the
extremely low breastfeeding rates in America.
I believe that children have the right to decide for themselves when to stop breastfeeding.
I
believe that once a child is able to eat foods, they are able to nurse
less or wean. Weaning is a process which is different for each mother
and child relationship; in some cases, it is most natural and
nourishing for both the mother and child to continue nursing until the
child wishes to stop. At the same time, there are also entirely
healthful, yet different, relationship situations and dynamics which
support other weaning patterns, or mother-led weaning. This latter
process is no less natural than child-led weaning. In fact, in nature,
it would seem to be the more prevalent course of weaning. After
raising up four babies of my own and studying hundreds of other
mother/toddler breastfeeding relationships, I have tended to find that
child-led weaning is actually less inclined to instill in a child a
grounded sense of belonging and safety than the
loving-strong-mother-led variations of weaning.
I believe corporal punishment (including spanking, swatting and popping) is emotional and physical abuse.
I
believe corporal punishment (including spanking, swatting and popping)
is often correlated and sometimes confused with emotional and physical
abuse.
I believe the Cry It Out method is emotional and physical abuse.
I
believe the Cry it Out method is traumatizing and unnatural for young
babies. After around the age of six months, a loving and caring parent
may gradually begin to experiment with allowing his/her child to "cry it
out" if the parent occasionally intuits that the child is simply
over-tired or over-stimulated. Learning to discharge unpleasant
emotions is a skill which will support these babies and toddlers in
being happier and better adjusted to community life.
I believe routine infant circumcision is wrong and violates the rights
of babies. I believe our culture has fallen victim to a vast amount of
misinformation about the medical benefits of this act.
I believe routine infant circumcision
is routine genital mutilization. I believe our culture has fallen
victim to a vast amount of
misinformation about the medical benefits of this act. And that many
men grow to resent that their parents allowed another person to mutilate
their son's genitals when he was vulnerable and unable to protest.
I believe strollers, pacifiers and cribs were designed to create
distance between us and our babies. I believe their use affects the
long-term emotional well-being of our children.
I
believe that strollers, pacifiers and cribs, when used without care,
can contribute to further emotional distancing between parents and
babies. When used with conscious care to our children's best interest,
these tools can sometimes be nourishing of the child and/or parents
wellbeing.
I believe babies were born to be held.
I believe babies were born to be held.
I believe babies were born to sleep with their mothers.
I believe babies were born to sleep with their mothers.
I believe sleep-training does not meet the needs of a baby. I believe
that parents sleep-train babies for their own benefit. I believe
sleep-training has created a generation of people who require
prescription sleep medications.
I believe "sleep-training" is traumatizing for babies...and the younger, the moreso the trauma.
I believe that treating a baby, toddler and child like they are the
center of the universe will grow selfless and empathic adults. I believe
if all people were treated this way as children the world would truly
change. I believe self-centered adults are the babies that did not get
their needs met.
I believe that
treating a newborn infant like they are the
center of the universe through the entire first three months of their
life is pretty crucial in doing our best by our children. As the baby
comes more into his human experience of thinking and communicating,
though, this strategy of deliberate or unconscious child-centered
parenting becomes harmful for children. It is always important to love
our children. When people confuse loving and parenting our children
with sheltering our children from natural consequences, imbalanced
perspectives settle in. Setting toddlers or children's rights and will
above the rights or will of any other individuals in the community,
including his parents', becomes unhealthy and unpleasant for all. This
unchecked boundary-less "permissive" parenting style is a reaction to its opposite
unchecked parenting style: fear-fueled, power-mongering, coersive
"authoritarian" parenting.
Young children do not yet have the
skills or experience that they need
to have in order to feel happy and confident as leaders in their family/
community. When parents neglect to create and maintain boundaries for
their children, the children are routinely unhappy, whining, throwing
tantrums, and they become programed to unconscious selfishness, which
never brings the fulfillment and sense of belonging that we all really
desire for our children to experience.
I believe when our own needs are not met as babies we in turn struggle to meet the needs of our own babies.
I
believe that we are each doing the best that we can with the tools,
experiences, and understandings that we have uniquely come by. It is
not for any person to judge that another should be making a different
choice. Often, the person who has experienced much trauma and hardship
will have unique insights which inspire her to ever-more deliberate
parenting. Other times, a parent is never able to largely overcome the
unconscious parenting he or she received as an infant/child, and they
pass it on to their own children without much of any thought that they
might could break the cycle and pass on a different kind of experience. I
do not entirely understand the causes of this spectrum of experience,
and my parenting path is an active experiment in the cultivation of my
own childrens' resilience, confidence, and inner-reflection. .
I believe the lack of research on the effects of vaccinations places our
babies at risk. I believe the Center for Disease Control’s vaccination
schedule is an uncontrolled experiment being done on our children.
I believe the lack of research on the effects of vaccinations places our
babies at risk. I believe the Center for Disease Control’s vaccination
schedule is an uncontrolled experiment being done on our children.
I do not appreciate the considerations of profit, fear, and dependence
which propel the majority of pharmaceutical production.
I believe it is impossible for a baby or toddler to self soothe.
I
believe it is entirely possible, and important, for a baby or toddler
to be given opportunities to discover their own ability to self soothe.
I believe it is impossible for a baby or toddler to be manipulative.
I
believe it is impossible for a newborn infant to be manipulative. As
they grow more into their human experience of thinking and
communicating, though, manipulation is one of the first things they
begin to learn. This is not because they are bad. Rather, it is
because basic manipulation is one of the most primitive forms of
communication and engagement-with-other. They do not have any
sophisticated understandings or language, but they are programmed to
experiment with boundaries and power, always exploring the nature and
edges of the container that their caregiver creates (or neglects to
create) for them.
I believe it is impossible to spoil a baby.
I
believe it is impossible to spoil a newborn infant. And that the
parenting art of transitioning from newborn-parenting to
toddler-parenting is not intuitive for many of us, especially those of
us who's own needs were under-supported by our own parents as children.
I believe parents trust doctors too much.
I
believe most parents trust doctors beyond propriety, undermining their
own superior understandings of their child's unique needs, experiences,
etc. I believe most doctors trust parents too little.
I believe that all babies have the right to a natural birth. I believe
babies born with medical intervention (pain medication, cesarean, etc.)
are at risk for health problems.
I
believe that babies are programmed with an expectation of a natural
birth. That when a baby and mother begin their lifetime relationship
together from the point of a natural birth, they are starting with the
most empowering experience that nature/god can provide. Most medical
interventions inhibit the pervasively effective nature of birth.
I believe all women have the right to breastfeed wherever, whenever, however they want.
I
believe in supporting the natural right of all women to breastfeed
their children whereever, whenever, and however they feel will support
the best-interest of their child as well as their self and their
community.
I believe all moms are capable of meeting all of their baby’s needs.
I believe almost all mothers are capable of meeting all of their baby's needs.
I believe we do our babies a disservice when we close ourselves off from new information.
I believe we do ourselves and our entire community a disservice when we close ourselves off from new information and ideas.
I believe we have lost touch with our instincts due to modern-day life,
capitalism and misinformation. I believe we would meet all of our baby’s
needs by following our instincts.
I
believe we have lost touch with our natural inheritance of wisdom due
to modern-day life,
capitalism and misinformation. I believe our ancestors knew better and more confidently than
we do how to provide for the thriving of our babies and children.
I believe all mothers love their children.
I
believe all mothers love their children in the ways that they know how,
and to the degree which they are able to love themselves.
I believe no child is an inconvenience, bad or wrong.
I believe all children have natural gifts and are fundamentally love-emitting and love-seeking.
I believe in attachment over structure, discipline and punishment.
I
believe in the crucial relationships between attachment, structure,
modeling, and discipline. I observe much confusion among "AP" parents
at the distinctions between unhealthy coercive, punitive "authoritarian" parenting
and a healthy style that is loving, firm, consistent, and evolving:
"authoritative" parenting.
I believe many conversations end in arguing due to our own unresolved feelings.
I
believe many conversations end in arguing due to most peoples
unconscious behavior of making value-judgments about others' behaviors
and choices and perpetuated by each unconscious person's egoic "need to
be right".
I want to remind you that these are my beliefs. I speak for no one and I
do not ask you to agree with me. I only want to be clear. I believe you
deserve clarity and honesty from me. This list is not exhaustive. I
will continue to expand my beliefs. I look forward to a long journey of
being open to new information and searching for answers.
ditto
